Greetings! ,
“Seems like yesterday” is how I have approached Michael’s anniversary in all these previous years … no matter how much time, and life, has happened since that day, July 22, 1998
Yes… it’s 20 years since I lost my 17-year old son. But it also has been 20 years of life with it’s people, places, things and relationships. AND all the years before that as well. All of which can be seen as puzzle pieces of life in which I was in charge of putting together. But, yet, somehow, I wasn’t seeing the whole picture.
Last year, I found myself holding two very important pieces of this puzzle. One was the 19th anniversary of losing Michael; the other was a wonderful engagement party for my youngest daughter. How can these two pieces fit together in my life? One so unspeakable and the other an amazing message? But yet, they had to fit because they were in my life.
I finally realized that they could only come together if I took a giant step back and begin to see my life puzzle in a new way. I had been trying to fit the pieces of my life into a Michael puzzle when I should have been fitting them into the Ron Villano puzzle.
Just like my son, Michael, is a big part of my life, the loss of my son is a part of this life. A terrible, awful, sad and life stopping part. But the loss, in and of itself, just one piece of so much more. What about all those other pieces — people, childhood, places, happenings, children, family, values, beliefs, relationships. Aren’t they also an influence … and a part of the whole puzzle of my life? Absolutely!
So I went back to one of my favorite analogies from my book,
The Zing. I emptied my mind’s garage and really took a fresh new look at what I was all about. And what I discovered was that not all the pieces are supposed to fit in my puzzle, but yet I was trying to make them fit. And at times, the life which was happening covered up the pieces that I needed, because my attention was misdirected. And, most important, Michael’s puzzle has been completed for 20 years. It was MY puzzle which needed…. and still needs …. some work :)
Today, it doesn’t seem like yesterday — it’s 20 more years of puzzle pieces. And the years of pieces that came before. And each time I put a piece in the right spot, my mind relaxes; it lets go; it feels comfort and security, and it has come to embrace a peace that God can only give. And that is the legacy and love from my son.
My approach has changed and it allowed my mind to become focused on my whole life, rather than me and the last 20 years. Life came before July 22, 1998 and life has continued in these 20 years. How life was before is also a factor in shaping my life after. I, am, defined by all the pieces of my own puzzle.
Dear Mike —
I am thankful for the way you continue to grace and bless my life. Continue to help me put all those other pieces where they are supposed to be and help me to take away all the ones that will never fit.
All your puzzle pieces hold my forever love. -- Dad
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