|Self Mastery Course
| We collect beliefs, and our mind learns to process ideas and emotional patterns in automated ways. By the time we are adults there is so much automated in our emotions, comunications, behavior, and thoughts it may seem like we don't have control anymore.
You can get control back.
The Self Mastery Course is a step by step set of exercises to retrain your mind, emotions, thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors.
Modules on Releasing Emotions and Anxiety
Specific exercises for releasing emotions and working through Anxiety issues in the
The seasons change and the days are shorter and the nights longer This is the Yin and Yang of the universe. The stars also appear the brightest and easiest to see when the sky is the darkest. Unless you are in the southern hemisphere and the exact opposite is happening. So in that regard, the light isn’t changing, we are just tilting differently than they are. But this isn’t as poetic, and doesn’t match my point, so I’m going to ignore half the earth for moment. Where was I…oh yes. There is more darkness at this time of the year.
The symbolism here is that sometimes there is darkness of emotions in our life. There is sadness, anger, grief, fear, and hurt. It is in these times we can do two things. We can go into denial and pretend they are not there, or we acknowledge them and use this towards the next step of change. It is in these times of hurt and darkness we need to grow, or we just bury what we feel. It is often an automatic and unconscious habit to bury it and in so doing we miss an opportunity.
In the Buddhist teaching there are 4 Noble Truths. The first of these is that there is suffering. The second is there is an origin of suffering. Then there is the cessation of suffering and the path to the cessation of suffering. It is in this process that we move into a lighter and happier way of life. It begins by acknowledging your emotions.
The path might be a new way of understanding. It might be a new perspective. It might be a willingness to let go of the old beliefs, thoughts, and paradigms that seem to come with our dark emotions. Compassion and forgiveness for ourselves is always a big part of the healing and path of change, but it happens in many steps, not just two. This is the way to a new light in our life and our world.
The key begins with acknowledging our emotions, and how unhappy we are. Surprisingly, the “happiest time of the year” is also the time of the year when many people are miserable and unhappy. This doesn’t mean that unhappiness needs to remain as unhappiness. The first Noble Truth asks us to acknowledge what we feel as this leads to the next steps.
In the time of dark emotions, the tendency is to look away, deny them. We pretend everything is fine and that if we just get through this week, or this season it will all be okay. This denial, often masked as busyness, doesn’t allow us to look for a cause. If we don’t look for a cause we won’t find a path for change and we repeat the cycles.
Dark emotions are okay. They are just emotions. What you do about them makes all the difference in your life. You can pretend that they are not important and just wait out their cycles. Or, you can acknowledge the pain and unhappiness and use it to motivate you to identify and change the causes. In this way your experience of the darkness can bring you closer to the lighter emotions of peace and happiness. In this way the season of darkness can make the stars of light and change shine brighter for you. Changing the cycles of light and dark emotions in your life isn’t easy, but in my experience it is worth it.
And if you are in the southern hemisphere, well, enjoy the summer. Of course, if you want to be happier you don’t have to wait until June to acknowledge any dark emotions. You can do that anytime and begin the path forward to change..
Gary van Warmerdam
Sedona Arizon offers a unique lanscape of nature. It invites you to experience the love of beautiful nature. While the processes of the retreat invite you to experience love and beauty inside yourself.
Sedona Arizona Vision Quest Retreat
14-18 March 2018
Come see the beauty inside yourself.
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Zion National Park holds a special place in my heart. It is here in this beatiful landscape that my heart opened, and I was shocked to realize how much love there was in the world and how much of it my heart could feel. I was overwhelmed. It is my intent every year to take people to that experience for themselves.
Zion Retreat: Letting Go of Fear and Awakening Love
May 2nd-6th 2018
| Article: The Perfectionist is a Liar
Perfection can Inspire us to a goal, or be a demon in our head that makes us suffer.
The Perfectionist is one of the voices in our head. It has the role of pointing out all the ways that we should be perfect, better or different than we are. As a secondary role it also points out how other people should be as well. It might seem very helpful with high ideals and standards, and it might seem very noble with its authoritative voice of “knowing”, but it has a dark side. It can make us miserably unhappy, feel inadequate, and even invoke emotions of self hate and depression. So with that much at stake it’s best not to leave these goings on in our unconscious.
The dark side of the perfectionist is that we are always left feeling inadequate. Or, in its secondary role, when we believe what it says about others and end up disappointed, frustrated, or angry. We often don’t see this darker emotional role because we are focused on achieving that elusive standard of perfectionism. If we stop chasing that standard for a few minutes we can see some how wrong the Perfectionist is.
The Perfectionist is full of false beliefs and lies that we are trying to appease.
Perfection looks like the solution that will make us feel better. If we achieve it, we will avoid the harsh Inner Critic of the Judge. But the bar the Perfectionist puts up there isn’t what we should be striving for. It is a contest that has us set up to fail.
The concept of Perfection over so many years has become intertwined with the narrative of the Judge. The Judge’s use of the standard of Perfection is far more common than how we would use it, or in a way that it is used in our psyche for a helpful purpose. Getting things perfect, or even good enough is synonymous with the Judge’s criticisms and feeling inadequate. The same is true for related ideas of “good enough”, “right”, “Better”, “supposed to”, “success”, “should”, “Fair”, etc. All these ideas illicit some feelings of unworthiness, frustration, disappointment, and failure.
The Judge is likely to be using these terms against your emotional body more than they are being used in a way that helps you to be happy in the world. The same is true for all the terms that are the opposite, “imperfect, not good enough, wrong, worse, etc.
You can notice how much this game is rigged by counting the number of times the Perfectionist and Judge congratulate you on how great you were. If you can’t think of any times that happened, then you get my point. They always use their standards to induce unworthiness and inadequacy feelings and that makes them a problem not a helper or keeper of some great goal to achieve.
Perfection, or even just the idea of something like it is a beautiful creation in your imagination. However, the perfectionist version is not generally based in reality and shouldn’t be used to judge what we do in the real world. Use it as a goal you strive for, but don’t use it as a measuring standard.
The challenge in awareness is to be present with that idealized perfectionist version as a goal in the imagination and be aware that what we create in imagination does not transfer immediately or easily to the world of reality. Creating beauty in the real world takes practice. With an awareness of the difference between the imagined world and the real world we can avoid the Judge’s misplaced criticism that expects the two to be congruent.
This article on the Perfectionist as a Liar is continued at my Happiness Blog
Gary van Warmerdam
Teotihuacan means: "Place where we awaken from our dreams and become conscious"
Coming to Teotihuacan is like coming home to a place you belong. The unconditional acceptance and love is a warm welcoming that keeps giving long after you leave. It isn’t just the consciousness opening experience of what was once a great Spiritual University, but it is the heart opening experiences with others that will change you.
How could traveling to a foreign country and walking around ancient ruins make you feel at home? “Home” is a feeling. It is a feeling of being completely accepted just the way you are. Through various contemplative meditations and ceremonies, you work your way into a state of consciousness where the voice of the inner critic doesn’t exist. It is a state of mind and emotions where worries of what others think of you don’t exist. You also grow a feeling of love and acceptance with others in which fears of success and failure don’t exist. The absence of these negative thoughts allow you to feel the goodness inside.
Connecting With Friends
We don’t care if you have succeeded or failed at things. We don’t care about what happened to you in the past as it doesn’t determine your value or worth. We only care that you leave it behind in a process of letting go so you can be present with who you are now. We care about whether you are happy, feeling love, and self-acceptance and doing things that will get you there.
Don’t get the idea that this is just a vacation. We do a lot of hard work clearing away our false beliefs, emotional reactions, negative thinking, and sabotaging behaviors. We have a strong intent, and a good track record that you will be a changed person when you board the airplane headed back home. It’s just that we aren’t hard on ourselves as we do it. A compassionate accepting environment allows us to get it all done faster. We also balance the hard work with friendship, laughter, play and some amazingly tasty and healthy food.
|A community of acceptance
Take a Journey inward and find the Love that makes you feel at home with yourself.
Ancient Pyramids of Teotihuacan Mexico
October 14th to 20th 2018
$1,395 USD Includes double occupancy room, meals, admissions to ancient grounds, teachings, and transportation to and from the airport (within scheduled hours). Basicly everything except your flight to and from Mexico City. Click the link above for more information.
My book, MindWorks, a guide to changing thoughts, beliefs, and emotional reactions.
You can read it as a stand alone product with insights on the process, or have it to compliment the more indepth practices of the Self Mastery Course.
paperback copy at
Create Space ($17)
download an E-Book version from Bookbaby.com in any format needed for your device ($7.99)
Also available at
Your favorable Reviews are kindly appreciated,
Gary van Warmerdam