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Telling your Fiancé or Spouse about a Past Abortion
Past trauma is best dealt with together. 
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---Wednesday Word---
Telling your Fiancé or Spouse
about a Past Abortion
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Education: You have found “the one”! You are engaged or maybe already married. But he knows nothing about the abortion you had in the past. You want to share everything with him but what will he think of you if you tell him? Does he really need to know?
Abortion has a strong effect on a person, but many times those who have participated are not even aware of the countless ways it is affecting their lives, and how it affects their reactions to everyday events.
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Steve did not learn of his wife’s abortion until after they were married. But he notes that “...looking back over our 29 years of marriage, it is probably the one thing from [either] of our pasts that has affected our marriage more than any other.” When Susan’s husband, Juan, told her about the abortion he had been involved with in college, she finally understood why he was so depressed and had trouble bonding with their children. Matt had a hard time with learning about his fiancé’s abortion. “Attending the retreat helped me to recognize that she was the same person I had loved the day before I learned, and that if God had forgiven her, I needed to forgive her as well. Through counseling and direction we have been able to work through the many feelings and fears I had…” Sometimes a spouse may elect to spiritually “adopt” the child lost to abortion. (1)
Couples who had an abortion together before they married can have problems as well. Tina shared that she felt anger and resentment that her husband “hadn't protected me and our baby when I became pregnant before we were married… and he seemed to be able to “just go on like nothing happened.” (1)
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Prayer: Dear Father God, please help all women who have made the terrible mistake of choosing abortion, and the men who were also involved, to know that no sin is too big for you to forgive. Help women and men with abortion in their past to have the courage to share that fact with their spouse, and together attend a healing ministry program to empower participants to forgive themselves and their partners. Bless these ministries with the resources and volunteers they need to continue to offer their healing services.
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Action: Be prepared to refer anyone you know who has an abortion in their past to a post-abortion healing ministry. If they are engaged or married to someone who does not know about the abortion, encourage them to tell the other person, and invite them to attend the healing program along with the individual. Abortion does affect those involved, and will have an influence on their marriage that they can best deal with together. To find post-abortion healing ministries, see Rachel’s Vineyard (RachelsVineyard.org) or SaveOne.org. |
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